(unfortunately) i'm still here
I have too many ideas and an eye twitch
First of all: hi. Second of all: lmao. If you’re still here I am very sorry about what’s happened to you that’s convinced you that reading this is a valuable use of your time. But also thank you. I am still aware that some poor (or are they rich??) souls are paying actual human money for this.
Before I get into whatever this is about, I must do the inevitable part where I explain why it’s been a while since I last wrote. Honestly, this is what it is mostly about. But first here is a pic of my dog in a Sofia Coppola film* for no reason other than that I need an image to break up the text for readability but I had a dream the other night that I was sued for using photos I don’t have the right to use:
I have too many ideas and an eye twitch
Everyone’s writing process is different, but most writers, generally, (I think???) can agree that the hardest part of writing is getting yourself to do it. After that, the actual writing part is pretty painless. This is my writing process:
Prepare for writing (research, outline)
Avoid writing. This includes cleaning out my closet even though I did that when I was avoiding writing something the other day, attempting a winged eyeliner, shopping online, deciding it is time to clean the stove, and trying parting my hair a different way.
Write. (Long after I should have written the thing I am now writing)
I have had time to write this newsletter and I have had ideas for this newsletter. I got through steps one and two. I just didn’t sit down to write. My excuses are long: I have eye twitch, it is nice out, I’m rewatching Veep, I’ve been contemplating a career change after all the media layoffs, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself after all the media layoffs, and I’ve finally gotten a steady stream of freelance assignments. Given the layoffs and the things that have been on my mind that you are about to read about, it probably makes sense that I’ve avoided writing. But my ultimate excuse is that I have too many ideas. With no one to report to really except myself, deciding what to include here is so overwhelming that I avoid writing instead of making a choice. So it’s been a while because I’m avoiding conflict with myself. Anyone who has tolerated a relationship of any kind with me is a hero, btw.
Succession and grief
This wouldn’t have been embarrassing in the 90s, but it sure as shit is embarrassing now: I am writing about an episode of television that aired two weeks ago. The third episode of Succession’s fourth and finale season centers around the Roy children as they process their father’s airplane death aboard Connor’s wedding boat. I laughed the entire time, so much so that it kind of hurt my abs. I tweeted about finding the episode funny because I am of course incapable of being sufferable and keeping some thoughts to myself. At first, I was shocked, polarized even, by the idea that anyone who watched the episode felt bad for any of these people. And it’s not because my little brain thinks bad people aren’t allowed to experience grief, or allowed to grieve terrible people. They are. Honestly, most people who try were terrible or were terrible to someone at some point in their life. Succession creator Jesse Armstrong has a way of making death funny. He did it on Peep Show, too, when a character despised by the protagonists dies from the flu.
Upon further reflection, I realized that some of the circumstances of Logan Roy’s death were similar enough to one of my experiences with death. I was not on a boat on the East River and my grandpa was not on an airplane. I was in my apartment East of the East River. My grandpa was very much on the ground, in a bed in his little apartment in a Chicago suburb. He was about to die, and I was asked to share my final words over the phone. I was on speakerphone, and many relatives surrounded my grandpa, so it wasn’t exactly private. Like the Roy kids, I didn’t know what to say. I spoke my final words to him in what was essentially Kendall Roy dialogue.
My grandpa was an important figure in my life and shaped me in every way. I love basketball because of him, I love McDonald’s because of him, I love movies because of him, I became funny because I wanted him (and only him) to think I was funny. The last time I saw him in person, what I had planned in my head as our goodbye, he hit on a waitress, shat his pants, and said “I love that show Succession. Shiv is such a bitch. I can’t wait for season three.”
(unfortunately) there’s more
-I have a coffee table to go with my solid couch. Having a surface to put my little drinks, Aquaphor, jade roller, cracked Apple TV remote, candles, crystals I don’t understand that were a gift, glasses I’m supposed to wear but don’t wear enough, is useful.
-After watching episode five of Succession season four, I am wondering if maybe I have a blood fetish as it pertains to Alexander Skarsgård.
-I have been rejected for not one but two jobs by finding out someone I follow on Twitter got them. Sincere congrats to them!
-Young Alfred Pennyworth’s journey continues: his dad who he killed is alive and part machine. At some point, my boyfriend stopped watching it.
A COLLECTION OF MY RECENT PROFESSIONAL WORK, which is edited by people who make me sound smarter than I really am:
-For GQ, I wrote about the trailer for Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, centered on my belief that Men Are Not Ok is one of our best film genres. I also wrote about the least influential people online besides me (lmao jk).
-For The Ringer, I wrote about Chris Messina’s remarkable performance in Air, a movie I loved (it is a movie). I might write more about that here when it comes out on streaming next month.
-For Vulture, I interviewed Matthew Rhys. We talked about the incredible second season of Perry Mason. You can skip the first season and go straight into season two to watch Justin Kirk as a gay DA named Hamilton Burger, Rhys being a sassy little bitch, Shea Whigham in a newsboy cap (as always), and Hope Davis chewing the shit out of the art deco scenery. When I joined our Zoom meeting, Rhys immediately apologized for being very red, which he was. He told me he was just touching up his boat, Rarebit, with red paint. If I link to his boat website, maybe my chances of getting a complimentary or discounted charter will increase?
Until next time which could be in three hours, three days, three months, or three years (but hopefully sooner because the eye twitch is on its way out),
-Carrie